Rejection

So the other day after I posted about our experience at the museum and my little crying bout, I realized I forgot to post what was going through me as the tears rolled down. I've been on such auto pilot lately.

I was just grieved. Grieved that so many have turned a blind eye to Jesus Christ. Even from a historical point of view, reading about so many pagan cultures out there, it broke my heart.

2 Timothy 4:3-4: For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

Apostasy. It's happening. Putting on the rose colored glasses isn't going to make it any better. All I can do is to beg of you to please read your Bible, the sword. Pray for wisdom and knowledge before you read your Bible.

Creation

We went to NYC to the Museum of Natural History. We were there a little while and came upon the Display of Human Origins. In the first display we could see was...you guessed it, a monkey. My husband had to rush me out of there because I started yelling and started making a scene. Oh how that hurt. God has shown me so much in reading online blogs about apostasy and prior to that, I really had no clue how much evolution is accepted and taught. We later went upstairs to the floor that has the dinosaurs. We looked at a display saying how Stingrays(which I love)evolved from Sharks. Hogwash. Same family, yes, but evolution is a satanic word and I won't accept that theory. God created stingrays just like he created you and me. Read Genesis. Words from it pop out at me from it quite often.
So yesterday, I was on my way to an appointment, and turned on a song by Jeremy Camp called Wonderful Maker. I started bawling. Now on monthly occasions I could cry very easily. I don't cry much, but if something goes wrong then or if I am confronted with something then,you know it's that time. So other than nearing to that time, I just wondered what was wrong with me. I guess I just needed to let it all out.

off topic

I'm going off topic because I'm thoroughly confused. I feel like screaming HELPPPPP

Not going to get too personal here, but do you ever feel like throwing in the towel? Ok that's rhetorical. I yelled out earlier that I just wanted to lay under my blanket and die. That's not like me. I'm weaning from a medication...well no I'm weaning off two, thanks to changes in our health insurance, and it's been making me feel sick and crabby. I've been trudging along with 3.25 miles done on the treadmill and 10 minutes cooking in the tube(turbo tanning for my light therapy), It's working too well now though because I cannot sleep. Without the light therapy, I would just sleep all of the time.

So the last few months have been a roller coaster. Sometimes I find myself wanting to revert back to old ways. Like when I was a lot younger. I can't go back there though because I'm different..newly created in Jesus. A few minutes ago I listened to a song I used to dance to at the club. I laughed but I was not sure whether to keep on laughing or start crying. It was a song about cocaine. I never got into that stuff because I knew I could easily get addicted. To me the song was a funny song and I liked to listen to it because it made me flirt with someone I liked(mouthing flirtatious song lyrics at him while looking at him). Then I played the Electric Slide because I recently watched 13 going on 30. My son asked me if I ever did the Thriller Michael Jackson dance like they did in the movie, since I'm in my
30's. I told him no but when we danced at the club, my friends and I did the Electric Slide and it reminded me of the moves. We were in unison just like the dancers in the movie. My best memories of those nights at the club was that dance. I didn't drink at the club, nor really like to pick men up, I just liked to dance. My friend's mother kept tabs on us so we stayed out of trouble. No I can't go back there. I shouldn't want to. I wasn't walking with Jesus back then. I'm just upset over something going on spiritually and I'm vulnerable to spiritual attack. I try not to look back unless it involves a stepping stone with Jesus. I have to remind myself....remember Lot's wife. I also have to remind myself that I am not 18 anymore.