My nonsense

The other night, I was giving my younger years thought. Since I am working with kids, I am constantly reminded of reasons I do it. As a teen, I was depressed and put the walkman on to lose myself in what I now know is Satanic music that encouraged suicide. Not many people knew this. I started dating someone when I was in my senior year, which was a better year for me, but I still hadn't lost that bad habit of listening to negative music. He was an older guy and much more experienced. He was my first boyfriend and an alcoholic. I was so gullible and so "in love." Well of course, he ended up hurting me. So what did I do? I would listen to bad music and lose myself in it. The other night, I thought of one of the songs. I believe the meaning of the song was prophetic for me. Because although I interpreted it one way(feeling sour and bitter and feeling like people do nothing but hurt each other)the song was actually about the New World Order. Wow. I was heavily involved in politics and studying up on that until recently. When I heard the song, I also used to dream of someone rescuing me and sweeping me into a life of security...not prosperity, but just wanting to be loved. There are lyrics that go, somewhere, someone somehow someday....So I wondered to myself, was it Jesus all along I desired? I think so. I had gone to church as a child, but hadn't been in awhile(maybe about 4 years) I think that there was a part of me that wanted to know that there was someone out there who cared, and that life wasn't about people hurting each other. About 6 years later was when I rediscovered Jesus after returning from feeding the swine. I got to know him in a way I never knew him before.