Full Circle

I was raised in denomination churches. I was baptized as a baby in the Methodist church, and attended there as a child. I was also brought to a Catholic church as a child because my mother was Catholic. After my parents divorced, I had a chance to convert Catholicism. But for some reason, I did not want to. Going through my youthful rebellious stage, and living in an apartment on my own, I attended my local Methodist church, but didn't feel right because I didn't feel good enough. Years passed and I became involved with an abusive man. We were living together and I got pregnant with his child. This man, ironically was a Christian. His stepfather had a preaching degree. Even while living in sin he encouraged me to seek the Lord. As things got worse, I felt stuck in this relationship and cried out to the Lord to get me out of this situation. After going to a battered women's shelter, and not being able to find affordable housing here in NY, I was led to Kokomo, IN where I had a friend who was not a Christian. But there were a lot of Christians there and God put people in my life to help me reconcile to him. It was amazing how he worked in my life. I was in a Bible teaching spirit filled Charismatic church. We had altar calls and when the preachers prayed for me, they'd lay hands on me and I'd be slain in the spirit, and it felt so good. I always knew I needed repentance of my sins. The night I got baptized as an adult was amazing. It was not planned and I had no towel with me, but I was not cold or feel wet. I truly felt reconciled to God.
Fast forward years later. I moved back to NY and married my now husband who was attending an Episcopal church. The preacher's sermons made no sense to me and they sounded philosophical rather than from the word of God. I sensed no spirit there. So we searched and searched for many years for a church and 5 years later we found a nice church that seem to combine the less Charismatic church but the word was preached. We loved the people. After awhile I got tired of the "lack of spirit" in that church, missing the charismatic church. But I later found out that that's not what worship is about. It's not about our feeling good in church. Worship is our time of communication with God. Giving him our love and praising him no matter how we feel. God is good and is worthy of our praise at all times, in good times and bad. It's vital that we hear his word and that Christ was crucified for our sins. Yes, we may come away feeling good, but I have discovered in my search and scriptures that it's not about me, it's about him. He wants me to know him and he reveals himself through scriptures. So I've come full circle. I've read through the Bible one time and been trying to reread it. I am back in a liturgical service in a denomination that comes closest to the Biblical church. I didn't want to go back to the Episcopal church which ordains homosexual and women clergy. The priest at the church where my husband and I were married has left and was replaced by a gay priest. I didn't want to join an Evangelical Lutheran church, where they sit on the fence on the homosexual clergy and women priests. I want to be in a church where Christ and him crucified is preached. A church that teaches that we need to repent of our sins daily. We are all sinners and I think the problem with many charismatic churches is that they tend to be seeker sensitive. They try to draw people in and do not tell people "what to do next after they've asked Jesus into their heart." I have come to strongly disagree with this. There are too many false converts in the church today. So we are now in a Lutheran church of the Missouri Synod. Transitioning churches hasn't been easy. Our new church is a bit further from the church we attended and we haven't been able to get there every Sunday. As I type, we are on our way there now. Please keep us in prayer that we be able to grow closer to Jesus as a family. I do believe that by my parents bringing me to a denomination church as a child, the seed was planted. What I do with my life after church is MY responsibility. If I sin, I must call on Christ for forgiveness of sins and ask for help for repentance from that sin. I am eternally grateful to my parents for bringing me to church as a child. I do believe that God seeks us to come to him and to know him and invites us to a relationship through his son Jesus Christ. I pray that all I know will do the same. Blessings!

Truth is necessary

Yesterday we went to NYC for the 7th anniversary of 9/11. I don't want to politcize my blog, but I will say that I am a 9/11 truther. I believe the government had some sort of involvement with 9/11. How, I do not exactly know, but the evidence is overwhelming. Don't take my word for it, research it yourself. Loose Change. Anyway, God shows me through my work how truth is so hard for many people to take. I observed three middle fingers and some choice words while marching through the streets of NYC. I honestly expected it to be much worse. I've heard that truthers have been spit at!

To me, the Bible is truth. But many do not want to hear it, or know it. I've been told it's my "opinion." When I speak from the Bible, I am accused of bashing the person I'm speaking to. I told them I am not bashing them. I am not telling them they are stupid or dumb. I am telling them that apart from Jesus, there is not salvation. See the difference?

We must continue to speak truth. Even when it hurts. Because if we REALLY love someone, we will tell them the truth. It's difficult, especially in today's world. We tend to be sensitive and don't want hurt people's feelings. But God's word cannot be compromised. I pray that we can all be bold and speak truth when necessary.

My nonsense

The other night, I was giving my younger years thought. Since I am working with kids, I am constantly reminded of reasons I do it. As a teen, I was depressed and put the walkman on to lose myself in what I now know is Satanic music that encouraged suicide. Not many people knew this. I started dating someone when I was in my senior year, which was a better year for me, but I still hadn't lost that bad habit of listening to negative music. He was an older guy and much more experienced. He was my first boyfriend and an alcoholic. I was so gullible and so "in love." Well of course, he ended up hurting me. So what did I do? I would listen to bad music and lose myself in it. The other night, I thought of one of the songs. I believe the meaning of the song was prophetic for me. Because although I interpreted it one way(feeling sour and bitter and feeling like people do nothing but hurt each other)the song was actually about the New World Order. Wow. I was heavily involved in politics and studying up on that until recently. When I heard the song, I also used to dream of someone rescuing me and sweeping me into a life of security...not prosperity, but just wanting to be loved. There are lyrics that go, somewhere, someone somehow someday....So I wondered to myself, was it Jesus all along I desired? I think so. I had gone to church as a child, but hadn't been in awhile(maybe about 4 years) I think that there was a part of me that wanted to know that there was someone out there who cared, and that life wasn't about people hurting each other. About 6 years later was when I rediscovered Jesus after returning from feeding the swine. I got to know him in a way I never knew him before.

Some thoughts....

Lately, I've been pondering my life and how I've had to abandon a lot of what I've been taught. I was in therapy at age 16-17 and the therapist would tell me that I'm depressed because I lacked self-esteem. I disagreed, but I never could understood why, until I became a Christian. I've been in therapy on and off since then(I'm 36) but I never really felt comfortable with therapy until late last year. It took years to find the right therapist. Not once has my current therapist told me I need self-esteem. Phew!

Self-esteem is unBiblical. Where in the Bible does it say to love yourself? I now know that I needed love when I was told I needed self-esteem. I wasn't getting it the way I needed. We are being so de-sensitized nowadays due to busy schedules and political correctness that showing love seems harder to do. Lack of time and stress can make things very difficult. It tends to make us focus on self. What we need to do is focus on Jesus and then our families. Slow down, take time to spend in the Word. We are to die to self.

2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Now I reread the paragraph and thought "political correctness?" I originally meant the fact that there is not a lot of public showing of affections nowaday. I've heard that in Britain, you need a license to kiss and hug your children in public due to fear of pedophilia. I am not sure if that's true, but if it is, we're in trouble! Kids need to know they are loved. Not by getting that Wii or Playstation. But a physical touch. Telling and showing them they're loved.